DC Heroes React (to Death Battle and possibly other things, idk)
by React Fanfic
Summary: Hey you? Yes, you! You wanna experience what it's like to watch your favorite internet shows, but with your favorite DC Superheroes at your side, laughing, cheering, and booing along with you? Well, person with oddly specific desires, this is the Fanfiction for you!
1. Introduction

Outside the Watchtower, the Earth looked like it was floating in the vast sea of space. The stillness was delicate, the clouds on the planet's surface drifting ever-so-slowly. An astronomer could sit here and be satisfied watching the stars forever. It was so…

"OH MY GOD, CAN'T SOMETHING HAPPEN ALREADY!"

Freaking boring!

Batman's angry glare stopped Cyborg from making any more unwelcome remarks.

"Hey guys, what's up?"

"Oh. Hey Beast Boy." Cyborg still wondered why everyone kept calling him Beast "Boy." The guy was in his mid-twenties, he had a stable relationship, and he was even leading the Titans. Wasn't it about time they dropped the moniker?

Batman remained silent as he continued fiddling with the controls. They were so close to a major breakthrough. This technology could provide a major advantage against interdimensional threats.

"What's this thing?" Garfield asked out of a combination of curiosity and that ever-present specter on the Watchtower, boredom. From what he could tell, Batman and Cyborg had been fiddling with something on the computer for several hours now.

"Me, Mister Terrific, Steel, and Batman have been working on this thing for about a year now. We're trying to harness a combination of cold fusion, Speed Force energy, and Green Lantern energy in order to achieve interdimensional quantum tunneling so we can capture transmitted electromagnetic radiation from parallel worlds."

Beast Boy gave a look remarkably similar to Raven's resting bitch face. "Vic. We've been friends for years now. What the hell makes you think I understood any of that?"

"We're tapping into the internets of Earths from parallel realities," interrupted Batman, hoping a short answer would make the young man go away. He had nothing against Beast Boy, he was a fine hero who'd done excellent work. But he could barely tolerate Clark on the best of days. The green menace was the last thing he needed as he was trying to manipulate the fabric of space and time.

"Oh. Why?"

Batman made a noise that was something like an angry grunt. They'd been at this for nearly 8 hours with no breaks. Somewhere, in the back of his head, the Dark Knight considered his options. After all, Cyborg was the only witness here. He could turn off the security cameras and just...

Before the Caped Crusader could throw BB out the nearest airlock, Cyborg intervened to save his best friend from impending doom. "We figured it was about time we take a more active approach to preventing and containing interdimensional incursions. Remember those wierdos from last month that showed up in Titans Tower?"

"Those really short, cartoony looking kids who kept on rambling about pies?" replied Garfield.

" _When I say 'I like,' you say pie!"_

" _I like!"_

" _Pie!"_

" _I like!"_

" _Pie!"_

" _Sonic Boom?" asked Nightwing._

" _Yup," concurred Cyborg, readying his arm cannon._

 _One blast of sound later and all that was left was ash and vapor._

" _We shall never speak of this again," said Dick to all of the Titans. "Agreed?"_

" _Agreed."_

The memory made all of them shudder, even Batman just a tad bit.

"Well we've realized that if we can tap into media sources from outside of our universe, we may be able to predict these so-called 'crossovers.'"

"Cool!" said Gar, genuinely intrigued by the possibilities. "How much longer until it's done?"

"Well, if this last adjustment works it should be done right now," responded Cyborg.

"Of course, we've said that over a dozen times over the last hour, so I wouldn't-" Batman stopped midsentence as he pressed a button on his keyboard and the entire Watchtower promptly shut down.

.

.

.

"Okay, so here's what we know right now." Superman's voice kept everyone calm as they gathered in the conference hall.

Batman's voice could have the exact opposite effect depending on the context. "A project of ours went awry and we can't really ascertain how to restore it right now, but don't worry as we are certain it won't have any dangerous effects. We just need to keep people in the station right now."

"Why can't we leave?" asked Hal. Surely the Lanterns could evacuate the station.

"No can do," answered Cyborg. "The transdimensional resonator is extremely sensitive right now. If it's disrupted in any way the whole thing could go boom, probably with the force of a small thermonuclear device."

Booster Gold and a handful of other heroes looked incredulously at them. "Umm, half of us here could easily take a nuke to the face, and the Lanterns and magic-users combined should be able to keep everyone else safe."

"True, but we have no way to stop the actual detonation. So unless you're offering to pay for the _next_ multi-million dollar space station I'd prefer it if you didn't blow up my stuff," answered Batman with a glare.

Michael Jon Carter, aka Booster Gold, was many things, for example: ambitious, grandiose, and stunningly handsome. However, suicidal did not make that list of adjectives. He promptly shut the hell up.

Wonder Woman was next to speak. "So what's the plan?"

"The plan is to do nothing," clarified Batman, "given how sensitive the resonator is we have no choice but to wait until it calms down. Now, this room is heavily shielded, so using any powers inside should be fine. _However_ , until it's safe no one is to use any powers or abilities outside this station. No power rings and no speed force. No teleportation, phasing, or opening of any dimensional portals either, those require a certain level of dimensional alteration which the shielding can't block and the resonator can't take."

What followed was a fair bit of grumbling from everyone and a handful of suggested solutions, each of which was promptly shut down by the Caped Crusader.

"What if I just pulled the station into the Speed Force?"

"No, the amount of energy required would easily penetrate the station's shielding and blow the station up."

"What if I cast a spell of protection on the station?"

"There is a span of a few microseconds required for your spell to take effect. By then the station would already be gone."

"What if we called our people on Earth and just get them to extract the resonator for us?"

"It would take too long, and most of those people are currently busy. It's more efficient for us to wait a couple of hours for the resonator to settle down, rather than make them come to us."

"What if we used the Cosmic Treadmill? I could just go back in time a few minutes and warn you guys not to do this."

"We're not altering the timeline just to fix some stupid mistake that'll resolve itself in a few hours. We all remembered the last time Barry did that..."

"What if Flash and I combined our powers and-"

"No."

"What if J'onn used his telekinesis to-"

"No."

"What if-"

"NO!"

"Maybe we should see this as an opportunity," interrupted the Man of Steel. "Like a sort of team-building exercise," he said, with the sort of irrepressible optimism that betrayed his Kansas roots.

Such corn-fed happiness did little to quell some of the grumbling. "Yeah, team-building that we can't escape from, no matter how desperately we try," mumbled Arsenal.

"Isn't that _all_ of our team-building?" replied Green Arrow.

"Aww, come on guys," said Black Canary, giving her husband a teasing look. "How about we head into the simulator? With everyone here we could have a battle royale!"

The Emerald Archer snorted in reply. "Yeah, the sort that Clark always refuses to do because they inevitably devolve into the same competition of 'who can take down Superman first?'"

"Okay, first of all, we don't do those because those melees do nothing to foster team spirit or cooperation," interrupted Superman. "Second, we can't do that anyway because the resonator triggered an electrical pulse that took out the training room."

Groans rang out from the assembled crowd of superheroes.

"So what can we do?" asked Nightwing.

"We could always watch something together," suggested Cyborg. "Before it conked out on us, the resonator was able to transmit some videos and such to our computer from another reality."

The League members all looked at each other. The collected group of people were easily the most powerful beings on the planet. Together they gave a collective shrug.

"What's the worst that could happen?"

.

.

.

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE: This profile has been created for the express purpose of hosting this story. So I don't particularly care if it gets deleted. Reaction Fanfictions may not contain entirely original content, but on the other hand nothing on this website contains entirely original content. After all, that's kinda the whole point of Fanfiction, isn't it? Anyways, have fun. Let me know if there's anything these characters should react to. The next chapter will probably be "Death Battle: Goku VS Superman." See you guys later.**


	2. Goku VS Superman

"What exactly is a... umm... Death Battle?" asked Captain Atom

Cyborg was currently looking over all of the data, trying to find something that could help kill time, before the dozens of Justice League members got bored and started killing each other.

"How about that one?" asked Martian Manhunter. Cyborg was currently sifting through terabytes worth of data at a relatively leisurely pace for him, gradually narrowing his search parameters until he found something they could all agree to watch. Of course, when that something had to please people from all over the world, many of whom weren't even from the same planet, it got a little tricky.

"We're not watching a pirated movie," asserted Superman, firmly denying the request.

"I doubt we need to worry about lawsuits from a parallel universe," replied Nightwing.

"It's the principle of the thing!" said Clark, resolute and insistent as ever. Cyborg couldn't help but chuckle a little.

"Yeah, besides," interrupted Flash, munching on a bag of chips he seemed to have pulled out of the ether. "Ub awredy resherfed ticheds..." Barry paused to swallow a mouthful of Pringles. "Sorry. I've already reserved tickets to go see it, and if I hear any spoilers I swear I'll smash the time barrier again, go back about five minutes, and just knock myself unconscious so I don't have to hear it."

Cyborg agreed, as did the others, and he crossed it off the list. J'onn was disappointed. He'd heard good things about this new "Star Wars."

"Oh, that's bullshit and you know it!" shouted someone across the room. Everyone in the room rolled their eyes at the familiar sound of Guy Gardner trying to start another fight.

In the forty or so minutes the leadership of the League had been debating what to watch, some of the other heroes, specifically the ones who didn't really seem to care so much, had started passing the time in their own ways. Booster Gold was trying to convince Beast Boy to start a new show with him. Raven was meditating. Atom Smasher was lifting weights. Most were on their phones. And the Green Lanterns, Black Canary, and Green Arrow had started a game of Texas hold'em, with Zatanna providing the magically summoned cards and acting as dealer.

"You're totally cheating, I can see it in your eyes." Truthfully, Guy didn't think the sorceress had cheated. "I saw you muttering, there's no way Canary could have two Full houses in a row!" He really just wanted a fight.

"Or maybe you're just not lucky enough," said Dinah, rising out of her seat. After so long cooped up, and facing the prospect of spending several hours locked in a room with these guys, she would be lying if she said she didn't want to fight too.

Guy smiled like a kid in a candy shop at the sight of Dinah's fighting spirit rising to meet his own. "You want to test that luck?" he asked, removing his ring with a cocky fling.

As soon as that ring was off, Dinah's fist flew from the table they were using to the side of Guy's face, clocking him square in the jaw and sending him backwards. But, to the surprise of everyone, perhaps even Guy, he didn't stay down. Instead, he picked himself up, put up his fists, and grinned the toothiest grin he'd even grinned. He'd come a long way in his time with the League. Gone were the days when one punch was all it would've taken to put him down and keep him down. Dinah saw this, and grinned back. "Yeah, I definitely do."

As the fight broke out, with several League members either putting their phones away so they could egg them on, or taking video of every hit, the upper leadership pinched the bridges of their collective noses. It hadn't even been an hour, but the thought of being locked in a satellite with their coworkers for maybe an entire day had left them all with a mild case of cabin fever. Combine that with the naturally combative nature of many of these heroes, and something like this was inevitable.

"I'll go deal with these idiots," said Aquaman, grabbing his trident with a menacing look on his face. "Cyborg, just pick something!" commanded the King of Atlantis, striding away purposefully.

Victor shrugged. "I guess I'll just go with this 'Death Battle' thing."

"Yeah, you never answered my question," said Captain Atom. "What exactly is a Death Battle?"

"Well, it seems to be an online series that takes two fictional characters and sees who would win in a fight to the death," answered Cyborg.

"That sounds like it could be fun," said Wonder Woman. "It's like what the Romans did, but with less _actual_ blood."

"It's an online series, so let's go with the most popular one," said Cyborg, scanning all the relevant video files for the one with the most views. "Ah, here it is."

The title was holographically displayed, along with an image displaying the two combatants. One was a spiky-haired man wearing an orange gi, an open, honest look in his eyes, and a bright, casual smile. The second was a man with black hair, blue eyes, and a spandex outfit of blue and red, with a familiar S-logo on his chest. Every single person who wasn't distracted by the fight, from Hawkgirl to Wonder Woman, turned their eyes to Clark.

"Is that... Me?!

.

.

.

"Soooo... is Supes a fictional character now?"

It had taken some time (and more than a few explosions) to get the fight to finally stop. "Well," thought Wonder Woman to herself, "If they all want to watch a fight so much, it might as well be on a screen rather than inside of a space station that could explode at any moment."

"Superman is no more fictional than you or me," answered Batman, giving the same response he'd had when Clark had asked the same question less than fifteen minutes ago. Right now, Kal was helping Cyborg set up the perfect theater, using his super senses to properly calibrate the hologram projector and sound system to an utterly absurd degree of perfection.

"Do you all remember that time John Stewart, Wally West, Shayera Hall, and J'onn J'onzz all got lost in a parallel reality where John met the so-called 'Justice Guild'?" Most of them nodded their heads, including the four aforementioned heroes. It had been a difficult episode to forget, and one that had quickly garnered interest and fascination amongst the superhero community.

"The three of them were transported to a parallel reality where a group of superheroes, known as the Justice Guild, had operated. John had, apparently, grown up reading about these heroes. J'onn theorized that the writers of the Justice Guild comics must've had some sort of psychic connection to the reality of the Justice Guild, allowing them to write stories about real people who they simply _believed_ to be fictional.

Now, do you all remember Superboy-Prime?" asked Batman. That question got a chill from everyone, even Clark. The Superboy in question had been driven insane by the death of his entire universe, and had been so obscenely powerful that he had moved whole planets on his own, bested the entire Green Lantern Corps single-handedly, and, ultimately, required the combined efforts of two other Supermen, a Red Sun, and the entire power of Mogo, the living planet, in order to defeat.

"He came from a reality in which our adventures were known to him as comic books, published by a company called DC Comics, whose writers, presumably, also had some sort of psychic link to our own reality."

"So this is just the same thing happening here?" speculated Mr. Terrific. "These people making Death Battle have simply read our stories, which were reported to them by DC Comics, and which they believe to be completely fictional?"

"Precisely," answered Batman.

"So wait..." interrupted Beast Boy "If their fictional worlds are real somewhere else, than does that mean that our fictional worlds could be real somewhere else as well?"

"I suppose so..." said Cyborg, a sudden, pensive look on his face as he began to rub his chin with his metal hand.

"Guys," said Dick, quickly deducing where this train of thought was going. "You cannot go looking through parallel realities just so you can find the Star Wars universe."

"But why should we _watch_ The Last Jedi when we could actually be _living_ it!" said Garfield and Victor simultaneously.

Nightwing looked to Batman, pleadingly. "Can we just start the video?"

.

.

.

 _Boomstick: This episode of Death Battle's brought to you by Slim Jim._

As the intro began and the logos of ScrewAttack and then Death Battle came on screen, the assembled heroes all got to their chairs and quieted down. The fight had finally been broken up, with Zatanna quickly healing up the minor wounds of the two fighters, most of which had been suffered by Guy. Firestorm had transmuted seats for everyone in the conference-room-turned-theater, and the Flash had raided the commissary for food and set a snack bar, though the heroes had made Barry swear that he wouldn't eat everything. To make sure he didn't, the food had been laid out on a table and Barry was forced to promise that he would only eat food from the right half, leaving the left for everyone else. Black Lightening had popped popcorn, everyone had a healthy portion of candy and other snacks, Aquaman seated himself right beside Guy to make sure he didn't start anything, and the video commenced.

 _Wiz: Born to dying races and sent to brave new worlds, these two alien saviors are legendary._

 _Boomstick: And everyone wants to know who would kick whose ass in a fight! And I mean everyone!_

"Hell yeah!" shouted Guy, as well as Arsenal and a handful of other heroes who really wanted to see Supes in a fight where the fate of the world _didn't_ hang in the balance. Superman, for his part, had crossed his arms, his face impassive.

 _Wiz: Goku, the tenacious Super Saiyan._

As he spoke, an image of the Saiyan warrior was displayed onscreen, with his full name written underneath. A handful of the heroes, especially some of the younger ones, cheered on in support.

"Come on Goku, you got this!" said Beast Boy.

"You really think he can win?" said Cyborg, skeptical of the anime hero's chances.

"Well yeah," replied Garfield. "The dude can blow up whole planets. I mean, I love Supes just as much as the next guy, but no way he can top that!"

Batman overheard this and grimaced to himself. Bruce, as well as all of the more veteran League members, knew full-well just how powerful the Kryptonian was. He wondered how the younger heroes would react to knowing the truth about mild-mannered superhero, Superman.

 _Boomstick: And Superman, the Man of Steel._

With the exception of Batman, if they hadn't cheered for Goku, they were cheering as loud as they could for Superman to win. Clark gave a small smile and a wave at the supportive looks directed at him. Even Beast Boy was clapping politely. Most people just assumed he was being shy. But Batman, ever observant, noted that he looked more _uncomfortable_ than anything else. Interesting.

 _Wiz: To ensure no questions are left unanswered, we will be acknowledging every official resource for both combatants, though the original writings hold precedence. No mistranslations allowed. Also, as he was retconned and rebuilt in 1986, we will be examining the modern Superman._

"Modern?" questioned Hawkman.

"It's possible that writers from earlier generations wrote stories about us as well, or perhaps earlier versions from other universes," said Dr. Choi, aka the Atom.

 _Boomstick: Considering Supes pre-'86 could make up new superpowers on the fly and destroy entire solar systems by sneezing, probably a good idea._

At that, everyone turned their head towards Clark, most caught off guard at the idea of the big blue boy scout destroying an entire solar system before anyone could say gesundheit, others wondering how Clark would respond to those looks of awe and (though they'd never admit it) fear.

"Woah," whispered Beast Boy, his previous assertion very much in doubt.

Clark gave his best approximation of a nervous chuckle. "... if it makes you guys feel any better, I take antihistamines regularly."

 _Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick._

 _Wiz: Aaaand it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle!_

As the swelling chorus began to play, most eyes were still on Clark, as if he was going to sneeze any minute and kill all of them at once. Clark coughed, nervously.

It was Bruce who got everyone's eyes back on screen. "It's possible that this Pre-'86 Superman is an alternative Superman, with an alternative set of powers and abilities, so he could be stronger than our own Superman."

Most of the room gave a collective "Oh," of realization, before returning their attention back to the video. Clark gave a knowing look to Bruce, mouthing the words "Thank you," to his on-again, off-again friend. The Dark Knight gave a curt nod of acknowledgement.

 _The first image on screen is of a young man with black hair, a monkey's tail, and a purple gi jumping up, kicking a section of wood in midair, then landing back to earth, a perfectly chopped pile of firewood forming at his feet._

 _Wiz: Kakarot was born to a low-class Saiyan warrior on the planet Vegeta. He narrowly escaped the extinction of his entire race when he was sent to Earth with a single, simple mission..._

 _Boomstick: Destroy everything! Then he completely bumped his head and forgot about it all!_

Most of the collective superheroes all narrowed their eyes and tilted their heads.

"That..." said Vigilante.

"Story..." said Vixen.

"Sounds..." said Light.

"Familiar..." said Blue Beetle.

"Well thankfully, our version has a very different ending," said Wonder Woman, directing a comforting smile towards her Kryptonian friend.

 _Wiz: Dubbed 'Goku' by his adoptive grandfather, his life revolves around combat. He care little for anything else, unless food is involved._

 _On screen is an image of a child Goku. After stuffing his face with several bowls-worth of food, he asks a women if he could have another bowl please. The request sends everyone else at the table falling out of their chairs._

Hal Jordan laughs to himself, leaning in towards Bruce. "It's like a combination of Damien and Barry." Batman gave his familiar glare, though Hal had known him long enough to know that he wasn't actually angry.

 _Boomstick: At twelve years old he was trained by master Roshi in Kame-Sennin Ryu, which pushes a person to superhuman levels._

"Trained since he was a kid, huh?" said Hal, once more towards Bruce. "Remind you of anyone?"

"Shut up," replied the Bat.

 _Wiz: Complimenting his Saiyan biology, Goku's superhuman strength, speed, and skills skyrocketed. He developed numerous fighting techniques, including the fast moving After-Image, and the Dragonthrow, his trademark grapple._

 _Boomstick: At fifteen, he was already so powerful that the only worthy teachers left were GODS... And a talking cat, BUT MOSTLY GODS!_

Most of the League members chuckled at the joke, however Bruce couldn't help thinking to himself.

"That's definitely how the kid likes to think of himself."

 _Boomstick: He was only a kid, but his power level was already enormous._

 _On screen, Vegeta is shown removing his scouter and delivering his famous line, a line which he and every single audience member who knew it shouted in unison:_

 _IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNDDD!_

With the combined vocal force of over a dozen heroes, including Cyborg, Beast Boy, Static Shock, and many more, it seemed like the whole watchtower was shaking. For a moment, Batman worried it the transdimensional resonator would go off. A few wondered if Black Canary had suddenly joined in on the meme.

 _Boomstick: Wait, not yet!_

 _Everything that had led up to that infamous line was quickly sped through on screen, ending in Nappa's famous response of "What, nine thousand?!" followed by a bright red stamp declaring the word "FALSE"._

 _Wiz: In the Japanese manga, Goku's power level at that time was eight thousand. But it doesn't even matter because power levels are absurd. The entire point of introducing them was to show how unreliable and meaningless they were. By relying on power levels, the villains constantly underestimated the heroes. Therefore, using them to judge Goku's abilities is pointless. Besides, the Daizenshuu states that-"_

 _Boomstick: The Dai-what-now?_

 _Wiz: The official Dragon Ball Encyclopedia. It states that power levels eventually become immeasurable, not because they are so high they cannot be measured, but because the characters, and hopefully the audience, have realized just how futile these numbers are._

Some of the more hardcore Dragon Ball fans, like Beast Boy, Static Shock, and Cyborg, all look somewhat confused.

"Wait, I thought power levels just measured how strong someone is," questioned Victor, "Why doesn't that work then?"

"Guys," interrupted Nightwing, who had studied many Buddhist teachings during his years of martial arts training. "You can't measure someone's Qi. That's like trying to measure someone's soul. It's trying to measure the metaphysical, something which, by its nature, cannot be measured. Besides, if power levels are so reliable, why did the characters basically forget all about them after the Freiza saga?"

The Dragon Ball fans all nodded to this point and moved on.

" _I'm still ten times stronger than you are," declared Raditz._

" _That may be true," replied Goku. "But strength isn't the only thing that matters."_

 _Wiz: We cannot judge Goku by his power level. Nor can we through power scaling, the theory that he can achieve the same feats as lesser Dragon Ball characters. Goku's abilities are tailored to his personal training and experiences. Not to mention anatomy._

 _On screen, Frieza declares that he can breathe in space and Goku can't._

 _Boomstick: However, Goku does have a knack for mimicking Ki techniques._

 _Wiz: Ki is metaphysical, made up of things such as vigor, courage, and being in one's true mind._

 _Boomstick: It's basically a kind of natural life-force energy, and is a fundamental component of Daoist medicine and martial arts. Oh, and, uh, it's NOT magic._

 _Wiz: Dragon Ball creates a very clear distinction between Ki and magic. Ki is dependent upon the physical ability of the user, and magic-users like Babidi are clearly using something different._

"Wait, so this Ki stuff isn't magic?" questioned Firestorm.

Zatanna shook her head. "You know that Chinese superhero, Accomplished Perfect Physician? He's a superhero who works for the Chinese Government. I've met him, and I couldn't sense a shred of magic on him, even though the guy could break someone's arm by whistling at them. It was all Ki."

"So would Superman be vulnerable to Ki?" questioned Captain Atom.

"No," said Batman. "Superman is vulnerable to magic because it is a supernatural force, which seems to override his natural invulnerability. However, Ki, while metaphysical, is a fundamentally natural energy, possessed by all living beings across the universe. It's as natural as gravity, so it doesn't override Kryptonian invulnerability."

 _Wiz: Goku harnesses and manipulates his Ki energy-_

 _Boomstick: Into badass lasers and stuff! Like Ki blasts, energy barriers, and the Destructo Disk (which he totally stole from Krillen)._

"And thus was Krillen's only real contribution to the series post-Raditz," commented Cyborg.

"Well, he did knock up Android 18," pointed out Static.

"Correction: his one of two contributions to the series until Super finally came along," corrected Cyborg.

 _Boomstick: The Solar Flare blinds opponents, and the Spirit Bomb puts energy from other things into a giant death ball... that takes freaking forever to make!_

 _Wiz: And energy taken from sentient beings must be voluntary. The spirit bomb is fueled by positive energy, and is only effective against those filled with negative energy, aka evil. In the Super Android 13 film, Goku actually absorbs the Ki gathered from the Spirit Bomb, becoming one with it, transforming and manipulating the energy himself._

 _Boomstick: But his two best moves are the dragon fist, where he supercharges his punch with a golden Ki dragon, and the one and only Kamehameha, a giant focused beam which every kid in the world has always wanted to do. Don't lie, you've tried it._

"Yup," agreed Static.

"Guilty," confessed Cyborg, happily.

"I tried it once this morning, in the shower," said Beast Boy.

Raven looked him in the eyes. "That's why you took so long?"

"Yeah," said the green Titan. "Sadly, no luck so far."

Raven rolled her eyes. "I swear, I'm dating a twelve-year-old..."

"You know you love it," replied her boyfriend of several years now, with a smile that was simultaneously laughably goofy and roguishly handsome. Raven turned away. Her blush was practically invisible, but nonetheless there.

 _Wiz: Goku also uses Ki for telekinesis and high-speed flight. He can even sense the power and location of other Ki sources and teleport directly to them with Instant Transmission._

 _Boomstick: Which is light-speed!_

 _On screen, Goku explains how he dematerializes and travels as a mass of light when using Instant Transmission. The scene is interrupted by another red stamp of the word "FALSE"._

 _Wiz: Again, false. This is another mistake in translation. According to the original manga, Instant Transmission is... well... Instant. Its only flaw is that it requires concentrated focus._

 _The scene changes to show Goku fleeing from an incoming attack. He tries to use Instant Transmission, but realizes that he can't concentrate with certain death on his heels._

 _Wiz: Also... he can read minds._

 _Boomstick: Wait, WHAT! Is there no limit to this Ki thing?!_

 _Wiz: There is. Goku draws from a finite pool of Ki energy. So to increase his power, Goku perfected the art of Kaio-Ken-_

"Kaio-What" replied Static, Beast Boy, and Cyborg in unison. Most everyone looked at them in confusion, but the three of them just looked at each other and laughed at the inside joke.

"Thank god for TFS, am I right?" said Beast Boy. All three of them nodded in agreement.

 _Wiz: -multiplying his strength, speed, defense, and so on._

 _Boomstick: Only one problem: it puts a giant strain on his body and could even kill him._

 _On-screen, Goku screams out Kaio-Ken times twenty, utilizing his maximum level of Kaio-Ken._

 _Wiz: But Goku does not have to rely solely on his Ki. He wields the Power Pole, a retractable staff which expands and contracts._

Batman, for the briefest of moments, almost cared enough to raise an eyebrow. "A magical weapon? That could be troublesome," he thought to himself.

 _Boomstick: When he's hurt, eating a Senzu Bean heals him up, and to get around he rides the Flying Nimbus, a flying cloud which probably tastes like cotton candy._

 _Wiz: Still, the Kaio-Ken was Goku's trump card for some time until a fateful battle with the tyrant, Frieza, who pushed Goku passed his limits to achieve the legendary form of Super Saiyan._

On screen is the first appearance of Goku in the original Super Saiyan form. The Dragon Ball fans all cheered. Everyone else thought, "Wait, turning blond makes him stronger?"

 _Boomstick: There are four different levels of Super Saiyan, each drastically boosting his power._

"Four?" questioned Static. "What about Dragon Ball Super?"

"From what I could tell scanning their internet," replied Cyborg, "this was released prior to Dragon Ball Super. Apparently they made a second one specifically in response to the newer series. For this battle, it looks they're going with Dragon Ball GT."

 _Wiz: Like the Kaio-Ken, each form does burden his body, though Goku has trained to minimize this._

 _Boomstick: Super Saiyan Three multiplies the already combined power of Super Saiyan Two by four, but comes at a horrible price: that hair! Oh, and it pretty much destroys his body while he's using it, BUT MY GOD, THE HAIR!_

Most of the heroes laughed at this. Booster Gold leaned in towards Static. "I get the hair, but why doesn't he have any eyebrows?"

Static shrugged. "Maybe they relocated into his mane?"

 _Wiz: Fortunately for Goku, the life-sapping form would be trumped by his final transformation: Super Saiyan Four. This form alters his body to better endure the four thousand times power increase._

 _Boomstick: Complete with pink fur and eye shadow. Fear the ultimate form!_

 _Wiz: With each transformation, minus full-powered Super Saiyan One, Goku loses some self-control, becoming more violent and instinct prone._

 _Goku is shown rising above his opponent, menacingly confirming that at Super Siayan Four he tends to lose control._

"I'm not really sure how much I like that design or that kind of talk coming from Goku," said Nightwing, who had seen some Dragon Ball over the years. "I guess GT just seemed more Americanized than other Dragon Ball series."

"Well, I still prefer it to Super," said Cyborg with a shrug.

"You take that back!" said Beast Boy

"Make me," declared Victor, sticking his tongue out at his best friend.

"Friends, please!" pleased Starfire. "Do not fight!"

"We're not really fighting, Star," said Beast Boy.

"Yeah," said Cyborg. "As if anyone would get mean or derogatory over something like this. We're not complete idiots."

 _Wiz: Goku's greatest strength is his tenacity and his never-give-up attitude. He does not fight to defeat others, he fights to defeat himself._

Several heroes quietly nodded along with this. Athletes like Cyborg and Booster Gold and martial artists like Black Canary and Katana all recognized the value of self-training, discipline, and persistence when pursuing self-improvement, whether it meant obtaining a better run-time or a stronger punch.

 _Wiz: However, this may also be his greatest weakness._

 _Boomstick: He prefers a fair fight, eager to see his opponent's maximum potential._

On screen, Goku allows his opponent, Frieza, to reach his maximum power level, insisting on fighting his opponent only at his best. Katana, Nightwing, and Batman, all people who had studied Bushido while mastering several Japanese martial arts, all approved of this, as it made sense for the character.

 _Wiz: But when the whole world is at stake... well... hindsight is 20/20._

 _Boomstick: And while he's more than tough enough to survive in a vacuum, he clearly needs oxygen, so no breathing in space._

 _Wiz: Plus... well... Goku's... not very bright. Despite some basic schooling from Roshi, Goku has never had a day of certified, formal education in his life. It took him years just to learn how to drive!_

 _Boomstick: But why the hell would Goku need to drive a car?_

"I mean, he's got his Instant Transmission, the Flying Nimbus, not to mention the fact that he can fly on his own," replied Blue Beetle. "A car just seems kind of redundant."

 _Wiz: Still, Goku understands his weaknesses. To him, a formal education would just be a waste of time. He is already a genius when it comes to martial arts._

Inwardly, Batman nearly chuckled. That was almost precisely what Damien kept telling him when he insisted that his son needed to spend time learning about things which didn't involve murder or espionage. He had a feeling that this fight would show Goku that a firm grasp on how to fight wasn't everything you needed to know, in life or in combat. If only his son would learn that lesson.

 _Boomstick: And even if he does get the hell beaten out of him, he improves with every fight._

 _Wiz: And that is what Goku is all about. He thrives on becoming stronger and bursting limits, and has overcome every obstacle in his way._

 _Boomstick: Even marriage._

A few of the heroes smiled at the sight of a fellow hero getting hitched to the love of his life. Black Canary and Green Arrow glanced at each other fondly. Elastic Man looked down to his lonely wedding band, smiling sadly.

 _Wiz: Goku might just be the greatest martial artist in fictional history._

On screen, Frieza trembles before Goku as Goku delivers his most famous line, a line which several of even the lesser Dragon Ball fans all recited in unison.

" _I am the hope of the universe. I am the answer to all living things that cry out for peace. Ally to good, nightmare to you!"_

The metal doors of Death Battle Clang together, and the heroes gave their opinions on Son Goku.

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"I still think you got this Supes!" said Hal, clapping the Man of Steel on the back. Clark gave a curt, but nervous, nod to his old friend.

"You know, I don't really think that last line of Goku really fits with the character," said Dick to Gar and Victor. "I think it was just a little too eloquent for him."

"Well, now that I think about it," admitted Victor, "I guess you're right. I remembered loving that line when I was a kid, but now that I'm older I can see how out-of-place it kind of feels."

"It did always feel a little weird and self-aggrandizing for Goku, the radish farmer," said Beast Boy. "But he's still the best anime protagonist ever!"

"Meh," replied Static, inserting himself into the conversation. "I prefer Bleach over Dragon Ball."

The two Titans gave him an uncomprehending look. "This is why you're not a full-time Titan," said Cyborg.

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By the time everyone was ready to move on, most of the heroes had agreed that Superman would win, with the exception of a few die-hard Dragon Ball fans, including Beast Boy, Cyborg, and Static Shock. After a short intermission, the video was un-paused, and the Justice League members got to hear about Goku's opponent and their familiar colleague, the Man of Steel himself.

 _On screen was an image of a school bus falling into a body of water, as an off screen voice explains that her son was on that bus, and had seen what Clark had done. Judging by the familiar face of the young boy at the end who had lifted the bus out of the water, the heroes quickly deduced that the 'Clark' in question was none other than their very own Superman._

Many of the heroes cheered, a few clapped the Man of Tomorrow on his back, and a few more offer him encouraging thumbs up signs. Clark smiled bashfully, but didn't react otherwise.

 _Wiz: Kal-El was born to a high-class scientist on the planet Kyrpton._

Next was the aforementioned planet, consumed by a white light which reduced the once proud world to nothing but ash and dust. Many of the on-looking heroes removed their masks and headgear in respect. Jaime Reyes makes the sign of the cross. In an unseen corner of the room, a ghostly Spectre in a green cloak lowered his eyes in respect. They had all heard this story so many times, but each time none of them could truly fathom it. An entire world. Not a city, not a nation, but a whole planet. Most of them had experienced loss at some point, all of them were no strangers to tragedy. But a planet? Everyone they'd ever known, everyone they ever would know, all gone in the blink of an eye. Superman's fists clenched. A few unlucky atoms were caught between his invulnerable fingers and palm, forcing a handful of hydrogen atoms to undergo nuclear fusion. Superman kept the explosion contained. No one noticed anything.

 _Wiz: He narrowly escaped the destruction of his homeworld when his father sent him to Earth with the goal of preserving human life._

 _Boomstick: Well, what a coincidence! Except for the whole 'saving human life' thing... After landing on Earth he was found and raised by the Kents, who decided to name him Clark. And weren't they surprised when they found out he was an alien with superpowers!_

Clark smiled at the sight of his parents, as well as all of the other heroes who had had the honor of meeting Ma and Pa Kent. A few of them even had a couple of ugly sweaters from Ma, a gift they all treasured like it was the Justice League version of the Medal of Honor.

 _Wiz: After discovering his true heritage, Clark refused to accept his Kryptonian side. He subconsciously developed mental barriers that blocked him from attaining his full power, which he would work to uncover throughout the rest of his life._

 _Boomstick: Stupid, power-limiting brain!_

Batman grimaced. It was _because_ of those mental barriers that Clark had managed to get through his developing years without turning Kansas into a smoking crater. In fact, Batman suspected that the only reason Clark hadn't accidentally ripped the planet in half a long time ago was because of those barriers. Bruce snuck a glance at the still-insouciant Kryptonian. It was rare for an enemy to truly push the Man of Tomorrow, rare that he ever had to break through another one of those barriers which kept the world, and everything he loved, safe from his own, immeasurable power. Of course, this raised the question: What would happen if this 'Goku' was strong enough to force Superman to break through those barriers?

 _Wiz: After graduating college in two years and traveling the world as a secret superhero, Clark moved to the city of Metropolis as an investigative reporter and donned the red and blue to publicly announce his presence as the Superman! Defender of truth, justice, and the American way!_

At this, everyone in the audience cheered!

 _Wiz: Until he renounced his American citizenship..._

At that, everyone in the audience stopped cheering. When Superman had done this, there had been widespread panic and fearmongering throughout the United States. Many believed that Superman would pledge his allegiance to some other foreign power, with rumors flying that he was going to defect to the Chinese or to the Russians. Some of the more delusional news anchors had proclaimed that Superman had secretly converted to Islam and was planning on creating a super-powered caliphate. In the end, Superman's popularity and continued goodwill won over most of the populace, and the move had arguably improved the state of the world. US foreign policy was no longer backed by the might of a veritable god, a fact that forced some of the policy-makers in Washington to be far less overconfident. Still, there would always be those crazed lunatics like that hack, Glorious Godfrey (what kind of an egomaniac calls himself 'Glorious'?), who insisted that the Strange Visitor from Another World was just biding his time.

 _Boomstick: Mild-mannered Clark kept his identity a secret with the brilliant disguise of nerdy glasses and wimpy demeanor._

 _On screen was a moment in which Clark managed to spill a bottle of champagne all over himself, right in front of his boss, Perry White, and his future-wife, Lois Lane. The scene got a chuckle out of everyone, including Clark._

 _Boomstick: Proving that people only see what they want to believe!_

The surprisingly astute observation made by the typically asinine Boomstick left many of the heroes pondering the truth of that statement. It was true, Clark's disguise was so simple that it seemed ridiculous that it could ever work. And yet, they had to admit, if they had seen mild-mannered Clark Kent without knowing it was Superman, they probably would've assumed they were two different men. Clark smiled, just a little. The trick wasn't making people dismiss the idea that Clark Kent _was_ Superman. The trick was making people dismiss the idea that Clark Kent _could_ be Superman.

 _Wiz: Boomstick, that's surprisingly profound..._

 _Boomstick: *burps* Ahem... Since then, his power's been pretty inconsistent, mostly due to the writers doing whatever the hell they please._

 _Wiz: Well, there is a legitimate explanation. Superman's powers are dependent on the ultra-solar rays of the Sun. By absorbing yellow or blue sunlight his power rises. However, he cannot absorb sunlight from a red star. So, if you take away a yellow sun, you slowly take away Superman's powers._

Most of the heroes nodded along. By now, the gist of how Superman's powers worked were common knowledge to most everyone on the planet.

 _Boomstick: He's solar-powered! They call him the world's first superhero, but sounds like the world's first hippie to me!_

Most of the heroes laughed at this. Aside from their shared interests in a clean earth and a peaceful world, Superman couldn't have been any less hippie-like. None of them could see him with anything other than his boyishly perfect hair, and LSD probably wouldn't do much to his alien anatomy.

 _Wiz: Now, the intensity of solar radiation disperses the further away it gets from its source, so the closer Superman is to the Sun the more solar radiation he'll absorb._

 _Boomstick: So he gathers more power the higher he gets? He is a hippie!_

At this, everyone laughed, including Superman and maybe even Batman, though he'd kill you if he ever suspected you knew.

 _Wiz: In the Justice League series, Our Worlds at War, Superman actually spent fifteen minutes_ _inside_ _the Sun. When he resurfaced he was powerful enough to effortlessly move_ _planets_ _._

Everyone shut up at that one. The fight against Imperium had been one of the most intense battles the League had ever been involved in, a fight in which the fate of the whole universe hanged in the balance. But Superman remembered that fight for a very different reason. His dip into the sun had been one of the most terrifying instances in his life, purely because it was perhaps the most exhilarating experience he'd ever had. It was frightening, how much power he had, and he wasn't entirely sure if he feared the next moment that power would prove necessary, or if he was secretly looking forward to it.

 _Boomstick: He can also hear sounds millions of miles away, see through anything but lead, and spot things moving faster than light._

 _Wiz: He can see at a sub-atomic level and hear through the vacuum of space... somehow? He can even see your soul._

 _Boomstick: WHAT?!_

 _Wiz: It happened._

These statements piqued the interests of the scientists of the group, including Batman, the Atom, Mr. Terrific, and Firestorm. Actually, any mention of Superman's insane sensory abilities tended to pique their scientific minds. For years now, the most educated and brilliant minds in the world had struggled to explain, or even grasp how the Man of Steel's auditory and visual organs worked, a task that was made infinitely more difficult by the super-dense and impenetrable nature of his flesh which made most full body scans useless on the Kryptonian.

"You know, maybe his ears can actually detect fluctuations in the space/time continuum itself..." speculated Firestorm out loud.

"Professor," said Batman, "perhaps another time." These debates usually lasted for hours, and they still had to get through the rest of the episode.

 _Boomstick: Well, weird abilities aside, Superman can freeze his enemies in ice or create hurricanes just by breathing. And to top it all off, he shoots laser beams from his eyes!_

 _Wiz: His Heat Vision can be expanded to encompass anything within Superman's sight, and reach temperatures hotter than the Sun._

 _Boomstick: He can incinerate entire planets in a staring contest._

Many of the Leaguers remembered this particular incident. The Earth had been threatened by an eternal Ice Age, forcing to Superman to use his own Heat Vision to warm up the planet and keep everyone from freezing to death. Remarkably, none of the people below had realized that this was Superman's doing.

 _Wiz: However, Heath Vision does drain his solar power much faster than any other ability, especially when he amps it up._

 _On screen shows Superman obliterating an entire army of what creatures who all bear a striking resemblance to Doomsday using his Heat Vision, razing the Earth as if it had been exposed to the side of the Sun._

Many of the Leaguers looked towards Superman

"Umm, when did this happen?!" asked Barry.

"Doomsday clones made by Darkseid," explained Batman. "Wonder Woman, Superman, and I fought them off."

"Were you planning on telling us about an army of Doomsday clones?" said Stargirl, in a semi-accusing tone.

"No," replied the Dark Knight, with a glare that shut her up. "We destroyed them all. There was no point in telling."

With one more, definitive glare, the League decided to move on.

 _Wiz: And with precision, Heat Vision can reach microscopic levels invisible to the human eye._

 _On screen is the defeat of Manchester Black at the hands of a bloody and pissed off Superman._

Clark cringed at the memory. It had been one of the most difficult fights of his life. Never before had he really come so close to finally losing it, to finally throwing off his shackles and unleashing his full power on these misguided fools. Ultimately, Black's powers had returned, but the people had gotten the message. Heroes needed to be accountable. There had to be limits, even on Superman. _Especially_ on Superman.

 _Wiz: Superman can vibrate his body fast enough to phase through attacks, even turn invisible. By vibrating to just under light-speed, Superman can use the Infinite Mass Punch. This speed causes the relative mass of his fist to increase immensely, and hits with the force of a supernova!_

 _Boomstick: Which explodes at a force of ten octillion megatons! Thanks fact-of-the-day calendar!_

 _Wiz: In comparison, this is the Tsar, the most powerful bomb mankind has ever tested: fifty megatons._

 _Boomstick: So that punch is like 200 septillion super-nukes! That's twenty-four zeroes, bitches!_

There were a few low whistles in the theater. A couple of the more mathematically inclined quickly checked the math in their heads, nodding once they confirmed that the hosts' calculations were valid.

"Wow, that's almost as hard as the slap Guy gets when he asks women out on dates!" quipped Plastic Man.

"You wanna go, silly putty!" said the argumentative Green Lantern, before Aquaman put a firm but commanding hand on his shoulder.

 _Wiz: Superman is not only strong, but a genius, with a super-brain that can process information thousands of times faster than an average human. He is capable of strategic fighting even while traveling eight times the speed of light._

 _Boomstick: He's an expert at disabling opponents through pressure point combat, and once fought demons in Valhalla alongside Wonder Woman and Thor... for 1,000 freaking years!_

Wonder Woman and Superman shared an... uncomfortable look with each other. That particular adventure had brought the two closer together. **Much** closer than was probably appropriate.

 _Wiz: He's even learned to protect his mind from telepathic attacks._

 _On screen, Superman discusses his psychic blocks with the previously mentioned (and previously trounced) Manchester Black._

As the strongest being on the planet, maybe even the universe, there was an endless list of people who had tried to control the Man of Steel's mind for their own, nefarious ends. Considering how dangerous his powers could be in the wrong hands, Superman had been forced to learn how to defend himself from such an attack.

 _Wiz: He also studied two Kryptonian martial arts: Torquasm-Rao and Torquasm-Vo._

 _Boomstick: Orgasm-what now?_

 _Wiz: Torquasm-Rao is a hard martial art in which Superman enters the Theta State, a real life phenomenon in which a person becomes extremely receptive to information and instinct. Torquasm-Vo is a mental martial art, with which Superman can fight off mind domination and illusions, or even counterattack._

Inwardly, many of the martial artists, such as Black Canary and Katana, made a mental note to see if they could learn these martial arts as well. It never hurt to learn something new, after all!

 _Boomstick: In order to master all his powers, Superman needed to break through his own, self-created mental blocks, like how when he was younger he believed he needed to eat food and breathe oxygen like humans, when he can really just survive on solar energy alone, like... some weird, plant man._

While Superman would admit that he didn't strictly need to eat food, he still enjoyed doing so for two reasons: firstly, food is delicious, secondly, and more importantly, it gave him yet another way to relate to the people around him. It made him feel less like 'some weird, plant man'.

 _Wiz: And thanks to some intense training from Mongol II he managed to tear these barriers down and become the_ _true_ _Superman, capable of amazing feats..._

 _Boomstick: Yeah, like when he obliterated an F-Five tornado with a round of applause. Or when he was the filling for a planet-sandwich. Or held a mini-black hole in his hand. Oh, or the time he dragged the freaking Earth around!_

By the end of that list of feats, many of those in the audience had eyes which were wide in disbelief.

"Okay, I've never heard of half of those feats," said Static in amazement. "Are we sure these guys aren't pulling our collective legs?"

"No, those all happened," confirmed Wonder Woman.

Batman decided to finally explain. "The League has invested a considerable amount of its time, energy, and finances specifically in order to prevent the public from knowing the full extent of Superman's powers."

"But why?" begged the Question, ever wary of people covering up the truth.

For the first time the entire episode, Clark spoke. "Because it would frighten them."

 _The inspiring Superman theme continues to play in the background as the Leaguers start to digest what Superman just said, slowly returning their attention to the video._

 _Boomstick: Superman has survived some pretty crazy things, like when Coldcast hit him with 15 supernovas to the face!_

 _The video shows Coldcast declaring how he had just hit Superman with 15 suns exploding in his face._

 _Boomstick: I just said that!_

 _Wiz Exaggeration? Maybe, but he has survived other supernovas before. When he takes a hit his super-dense molecular structure and bio-electric aura protects him and his suit._

 _Boomstick: Holy crap, he sounds invincible!_

 _Wiz: Not exactly, his solar energy can be depleted over the course of a battle, if he takes too much damage or remains out of sunlight for too long. This is how the monster Doomsday was able to kill him._

 _Everyone_ cringed at the thought of that walking behemoth. Out of every fight in Clark's life, that first battle against Doomsday was one he would never forget. The whole world had been rocked to its core in both the fight and its aftermath.

 _Wiz: Oh, sorry, not kill, put him into a healing coma..._

 _Boomstick: *cough* Cop-out! *cough*_

"Hey, if a cop-out is what it takes to save Kal's life, then I'll take it!" remarked Wonder Woman. Everyone in the theater responded with resounding agreement. Clark, of course, smiled humbly in thanks.

 _Wiz: He also has several specific weaknesses, like the famous Kryptonite, radioactive fragments of his homeworld which bring him to his knees. Any prolonged exposure will eventually kill him. He also has no special resistance to magical attacks._

Lately, it seemed like everyone in Metropolis was either a Hogwarts-graduate or had a Kryptonite ring in their back pocket. It was getting really annoying for Superman.

 _Boomstick: And he always get so hung-up on doing the right thing, even if it makes his life miserable._

The way Boomstick had said it made it sound like a weakness, but from the way the heroes all clapped and cheered, it sounded more like the world's most ringing endorsement. No. It sounded like his greatest strength of all.

 _Wiz: He does not fight for himself, but to protect others. Even the buildings in Metropolis are more valuable to him than his own life..._

Exactly one frame later, and on screen is the battle between Shazam and Superman, back when Superman wasn't sure about him and suspected that he had some connection to Luther. Their battle had leveled several city blocks, but thankfully they were all uninhabited. Both of the heroes in question looked down in shame. It certainly wasn't their proudest moment.

 _Wiz: Most of the time... Point is, Superman spends more time defending the city than actually improving his own abilities._

Clark looked down at his hands. It wasn't that he lacked the time or the discipline to train. It was that he wasn't sure if he should. Every time he grew stronger, every time he threw away yet another one of those precious mental blocks, he could almost feel his carefully constructed control slipping away. What was the point in getting stronger if it just made it harder for him to keep people safe?

 _Boomstick: But remove all those pesky feelings about saving people and look out!_

On screen is the moment during one of Darkseid's invasions that Superman finally embraces his strength and utterly waylays the God of Apocalypse.

Batman narrows his eyes. Remove all those 'pesky feelings' and you basically wouldn't have Clark Kent anymore. Hell, you wouldn't even really have Superman anymore. You'd have an unstoppable being with the power of a walking star doing whatever the hell it pleased, no matter who got in the way or who happened to get hurt. In short... you'd get a Death Battle.

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea," thought Bruce.

The metal doors of Death Battle slammed shut and the Leaguers gave their opinions on their very own Man of Steel.

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"Go Clark! Shouted Wildcat, "Teach that young punk some manners!"

"You got this, big guy!" said Guy, in agreement.

"Give this whelp the thrashing he deserves!" said Shining Knight, his enthusiasm for honorable combat utterly irrepressible.

Clark gave appreciated their energy, but Bruce could tell that he wasn't exactly enjoying the attention. This was a man who had devoted himself to saving as many lives as possible. Now his colleagues were getting excited to watch him kill a man? Even if it was just a video, there was something quietly unsettling about it all.

With the League watching, the battle commenced...

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 _Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate, once and for all._

 _Boomstick: IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLE!_

 _It's another peaceful day in Metropolis. The sky is blue, the birds are singing, and something deadly is about to drop on everyone's' heads_

" _Look, it's a bird!"_

" _It's a plane!"_

" _IT'S GONNA KILL US!"_

 _The crowd screams as one of them declares his hatred for Mondays. The heroes laugh with him. Even for superheroes, Mondays suck._

 _Of course, Superman arrives to catch the plane, humming his own theme song by John Williams. Later, a news anchor details the Man of Steel's exploits as a certain group of Z-fighters discuss the red and blue hero. Krillen is impressed. Vegeta isn't. Like so many others before her, Chi-Chi comments on the ridiculousness of wearing underwear on the outside._

" _I bet it chafes," she says, in her usual argumentative tone._

" _Don't be so sure," warns her husband from off screen._

"How does Goku know whether or not Supes' costume chafes?" questioned Static.

"I think he was talking about the dismissive comments Vegeta and Chi-Chi made," said Cyborg.

"Or maybe Goku has actually tried wearing his underwear on the outside," offered Beast Boy.

"Why would Goku, or anyone for that matter, ever try that?" said Cyborg, incredulous.

"I dunno," said Garfield, defending his previous comment. "Maybe he was curious!"

"Why?" chimed in Raven, "Have you tried that?"

Beast Boy turned a shade of red so crimson, normally he'd have to transform into a chameleon first to achieve such a pallor. The others around him snickered at the thought of Beast Boy in such a getup, while Raven smiled gently, patting her boyfriend on the head, subtly siphoning off some of his embarrassment to spare him the agony.

 _Meanwhile, Goku discusses his future opponent, commenting that he can sense the Man of Steel's strength, and that the Kryptonian is stronger than anyone he's ever fought before. He picks up Chi-Chi and spins her around happily, joyous._

" _Finally, someone as strong as me!"_

" _Screw you!" says Vegeta from off screen, eliciting laughter from the Dragon Ball fans familiar with his... confrontational personality._

" _I heard he's an alien," comments Master Roshi._

" _Alien?!" says Goku, accidentally throwing his wife high up into the air._

" _It's only a matter of time before he destroys the planet!" says Goku, in a beat so sudden and well-timed that it gets a laugh out of the watching superheroes, even the aliens who have certainly never tried to destroy the planet._

 _Soon Goku is riding his trusty Flying Nimbus towards his fated fight._

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 _On top of the Daily Planet, Superman hears something approach. Turning his head he sees... a guy with gravity-defying hair in an orange robe standing atop a yellow cloud._

" _Hey there," says the stranger._

" _Uh... hello..." replies Superman._

" _You look pretty strong. Let's fight!" says Goku, eager to get this show on the road._

" _Fight?!" says Superman, "Well, that's not really what I do..."_

 _Superman is interrupted by an energy blast, which he knocks away easily. The audience gets the feeling that Goku just wanted to get this Death Battle going. Honestly, most of them agree wholeheartedly. They didn't come here to watch these two talk, they came here to see two powerhouses beat the snot out of each other!_

 _Superman responds by knocking Goku off of his flying cloud. The two land on the street below. Goku remarks how much fun this is gonna be. Superman thinks his strange attacker is insane. Between the two, the image of a single, bold, red word hangs in-between the two: FIGHT!_

"Let's go Supes!" shouts Black Canary.

"Kick his ass, Goku!" shouts Beast Boy. He quickly looks back at Clark. "No offense, sir!"

Clark gives him a wave that he understands to mean "none taken."

 _The fight starts with Goku taking the initiative. Like any proper warrior, he makes sure to start the battle on his own terms. He launches a flurry of blows, his entire body like a blur, but Superman keeps his fists close and blocks them all. It's not until Goku gets behind him that the Saiyan finally lands a blow. A kick to Superman's back sends him back a few meters, but does little else. Superman recovers, looking more annoyed than anything else._

 _Goku runs up the side of the buildings, trying to get the high ground, before throwing himself down. Superman flies up to meet him and connects a punch which sends shockwaves through the air, and sends Goku flying for several city blocks._

While most everyone else was cheering on the person they wanted to win, Superman cringed a little on the inside. It seemed that, in this simulated battle, the city was uninhabited. That was good. In reality, a shockwave from a punch like that would've decimated any normal human who happened to be too close. The resultant pressure wave would've easily ruptured blood vessels, damaged internal organs, or even shattered bones.

 _Superman races after his opponent, catching him in midair with a flurry of blows, sending him crashing down into the pavement._

" _You're outmatched, give up!" says the Kryptonian._

All of the Dragon Ball fans in the audience winced at that. Supes said stuff like that all the time, but when he did, he was expecting the other person to realize the impossibility of their situation and stand down. It was meant to spare his opponents and save lives. But it was also the exact worse thing to say to a warrior like Son Goku.

 _Landing on his feet, Goku decides to kick things up a notch. "Kaio-Ken!"_

" _Kaio-what?" said Superman and all of the TFS fans in the audience, specifically Beast Boy, Cyborg, and Static._

"I'm so glad that TFS is a thing in both our universe and theirs!" said Beast Boy.

"Hear, hear!" agreed the two who were in on the joke.

 _Superman's interrogative was interrupted by a knee to the face, sending him flying skyward and triggering that classic Dragon Ball 'strong punch' sound effect. This blow is followed up by a flying kick which sends Superman flying off in a different direction, and then an energy blast that shoots him back down to earth._

 _Superman stops himself however, and, as Goku lands and fires a barrage of energy pellets at him, he finally takes a good look at his opponent._

" _Ah hah," remarks Kal, zooming towards the Saiyan and dodging every energy blast his opponent can send. The Kryptonian charges forward, his arms extended, landing a powerful haymaker and then whirling around his opponent in a veritable cyclone of punches and strikes, moving so fast that it looks, (and probably feels) as if Goku is getting attacked by several dozen Supermen, instead of just the one. The attack ends with Superman landing a powerful uppercut that sends Goku flying, impacting the side of a building so hard that he's implanted into the side, completely unable to move._

" _W-what?! I-I-I can't move..." says the Siayan, struggling to force movement out of his uncooperative limbs._

"Finish him off!" says Arsenal, completely absorbed into the fight, acting as if he had money on the line. Knowing him, he very well could.

" _So, you're an alien too, huh?" says Superman._

" _What did you do to me?" asks Goku._

" _Pressure points," explains the Kryptonian. "Didn't work at first, but my X-ray and microscopic vision let me find your body's weak points. You won't be going anywhere - What is that?"_

 _During Superman's explanation, Goku was able to use his telekinesis to extract a Senzu Bean from the small pouch on his belt. He crunches the Bean in his mouth and instantly recovers from his paralysis._

" _Senzu Bean," clarifies the Saiyan. "Want one?" he says, offering the pouch to his opponent._

" _No," declares Kal, vaporizing the pouch, and the beans inside, with a blast of heat vision._

"That seemed kind of mean," remarked Static. "He was only trying to keep the fight fair."

"If some strange guy riding a cloud suddenly picked a fight with you, only to suddenly politely offer you candy in the middle of that fight, would you take it?" remarked Vergil's friend and sort-of sidekick, Gear.

" _I'm ending this... now!" said Superman, preparing a punch that would surely end this ridiculous battle, once and for all._

 _But as he attempts to land this punch, his hand is caught, and his opponent is suddenly glowing with golden power._

" _What?!" remarked the Man of Steel._

"Oh, shit! Let's go!" said Beast Boy, Cyborg, and Static in unison. Now the _real_ fight could start!

 _Goku, now much faster and stronger than he was before, attacks with a whirlwind of punches and kicks which catch Superman off guard, sending him flying back a few meters again._

" _Okay, Blondie!" says Superman, clearly irritated by the sudden escalation. "What's going on?!"_

 _Goku charges forward and, just before Superman is about to intercept him, disappears and reappears behind him. He lands a powerful punch to Superman's gut which causes him to double over._

" _I am Son Goku," states the Saiyan warrior, before landing an uppercut which sends Superman flying skyward._

" _And I..." says Goku, before flying up to where he knows his punch will send his opponent._

" _Am a Super Saiyan!" he declares, along with several Dragon Ball fans in the audience in unison, before sending Superman flying downwards with a punch. The Kryptonian lands on the roof of a skyscraper belonging to a certain, familiar multi-billion dollar corporation._

" _KAAA... ME... HAAA... ME... HHHAAAAAAAA!" shouts both Goku and his superheroic fans._

 _The powerful energy beam utterly vaporizes the building, leaving the structure as nothing more than rubble._

While most of the others were too absorbed into the fight to really give any heed to that fact, Superman couldn't help but ponder it a little. As he'd previously said, it looked as if this version of Metropolis was completely empty, as ludicrous the idea of an unpopulated Metropolis was. Still, the idea that any version of himself would allow for such a level of destruction to come to his beloved city...

Despite how Goku's attack had utterly leveled the building, Superman remained standing, upright with his fists at his hips, as if he hadn't been hit with an attack which could, at its full power, destroy a whole planet.

" _Well," said Superman, sounding irked, as if he'd just found out that he had to serve jury duty this weekend, "This might take a while..."_

 _Suddenly however, the camera panned down to reveal a familiar, green crystal. Superman kneeled as the alien radiation began to take effect on his Kryptonian physiology._

" _Ugh... what?!" said the Man of Steel, moaning in pain and clutching his chest. "No... Not now..."_

 _Goku charges down toward him, fist drawn back to deliver his next blow, when he realizes something is wrong. "Huh?" he remarks._

" _Hey, what are you doing," says the Saiyan as he looks upon the suffering Man of Steel._

" _Is that rock hurting you?" questions Goku, sounding surprised that such a little thing could cause pain to a person as strong as Superman._

" _Kryptonite..." says Kal-El, a pleading tone to his voice._

 _Goku holds up his hand and charges up an energy blast. For a moment it looks as if he's going to finish off his opponent._

Many of the heroes pale at the sight. Some, like Batman, do acknowledge that it's the smart play, that it's the only chance most people would ever get against Superman. Others, particularly the three Dragon Ball fans in the audience feel conflicted. They want Goku to win, but not like this! Death Battle might take away a character's inhibitions against killing, but it's not supposed to touch upon any other aspect of the character's... well, character!

A second later, however, they all breathed a sigh of relief.

 _The energy blast leaped from Goku's hand and vaporized the Kryptonite._

" _There," said Goku, satisfied. "Okay, let's go!"_

" _What? Why?!" said Superman, clearly confused. Wasn't this guy trying to kill him?_

" _I wanna beat you at your best," explains the Super Saiyan. "It's no fun if it's not fair."_

The heroes, including Superman, couldn't help but smile at that. The Dragon Ball fans in particular. That last line seemed to have encapsulated much about Goku, his personality, and his outlook on life. Ever the exception, Batman just grunted.

"Respectable, I suppose," he thought.

" _Gee, thank-" Superman's attempt at gratitude was interrupted by Goku's boot to his face._

Everyone laughed at that.

"Hey didn't Goku just say that he wanted a fair fight?" asked Beast Boy once he had stopped laughing.

"Goku said fair, not polite," replied Cyborg, in between laughs.

 _Just like that, the fight was back on. Once again, Goku took the initiative, launching an attack that seemed to send him and Superman zooming throughout the abandoned city of Metropolis. Once again, Goku landed a hit that sent Superman flying back, before catching up to him and landing a kick that sent Superman spinning back to Earth._

 _Now at ground-level again, Goku began running circles around Superman, moving so fast that he created after-images of himself. Standing in the center with his arms crossed, Superman looks unimpressed. Confidently striding to one of those images, he strikes out, ignoring the fakes and sending the real Goku flying once more._

 _This time taking the initiative himself, Superman zooms behind Goku, racing up to him with a car above his head, he slams the sedan onto the Saiyan._

" _Next time, watch your blind spot," advises the Man of Tomorrow._

 _Goku's response is to power up yet again. With a mighty scream, the car is obliterated. Goku stands there, electric sparks added to his golden aura._

"Super Saiyan Two!" remarked the Dragon Ball trio.

" _Huh," says the Man of Steel, "Deja vu." The Kryptonian sounds more amused than anything else. He's starting to sense a pattern to this fight._

 _Goku fires a wide volley of energy pellets, intending to cover as much ground as possible against his faster opponent. Superman vaporizes the golden orbs of ki long before they reach him. He flies behind Goku and fires a volley at his back, though it doesn't seem to affect him much. But, as Goku is recovering from that shot, Superman grabs a light post and appears behind him. Swinging it like a bat, Superman sends Goku flying like a batter at the World Cup._

 _Goku recovers, swinging around midair to see the light post flying his way. He decides to retaliate with a weapon of his own. Brandishing his trusty Power Pole, he swats away the light post, sending it careening off into the sky. Then, going on the attack once more, he appears behind Superman and manages to land a series of blows to his back. Superman is thrown forward, but this time he gets up more slowly._

" _That... feels... like..." says Superman, struggling a bit to get back on his feet._

"Just as I thought," figured Batman. "Up until now, Superman's mostly been taking the hits, trusting that Goku's stamina will wear out faster than his invulnerability will. But now, Goku could potentially turn this fight around."

" _Power Pole extend!" shouted Goku, causing his magical staff to expand, impacting Superman's shoulder and, for the first time in this fight, drawing blood from his Kryptonian opponent (spoiler alert: it's worth noting that this is the only time in both fights that Goku manages to draw blood). The Power Pole pinned Superman against the side of a building and, with Superman immobile, Goku lands a powerful punch which sends the Man of Steel flying through several buildings before finally coming to a screeching halt against the asphalt._

" _Magic..." groaned Superman_

At the sudden realization that the Power Pole constitutes a magical weapon, several of the audience members gasp.

"Holy crap, we totally forgot about the Power Pole!" said Beast Boy.

"Does that mean Goku has this in the bag?" remarked Cyborg.

"I dunno," said Static. "I mean, it would kind of feel like cheating if Goku won just because he had the Power Pole, a weapon he barely even uses nowadays."

A few of the heroes murmured to each other, unsure about this sudden development. However, Batman and Superman knew otherwise. Both had fought magic-users before, and both had come to think of magic as less of an inherent advantage and more like a tool. Just like a gun, magic was very powerful. But that didn't necessarily make its wielder any stronger, smarter, or faster. Spell books don't work so well when they've been burnt to cinders, magic wands aren't quite as intimidating when they're snapped in half, spell casting is infinitely harder once you've been punched in the throat and can't breathe, and no amount of magic will do you any amount of good if you're already unconscious before you can use it. If you can't take out the gun, you take out the person behind the trigger.

" _The game's not as fun when you're losing, is it?" remarked Goku, almost tauntingly. For this whole fight, he can tell Superman hasn't been using his full power. Every time the Saiyan thinks he's pulled ahead, the Kryptonian manages to keep pace. But now it looks like he's finally landed a real blow, something that really hurt._

" _A game! You think this is a game!" says Superman, bewildered by the golden-haired warrior. "I haven't even begun to play..."_

For a moment, Batman couldn't help but contrast the two characters. Goku was insulted that Superman wouldn't fight at his full potential. Superman was bewildered by the fact that someone would ever want him to. The former couldn't understand such a reluctance to fight. The latter couldn't understand why someone would treat the idea of violence so flippantly.

 _Superman rose into the air, before seemingly blinking out of existence. In response, Goku calmly puts two fingers on his forehead. Superman raced across the ocean, so fast that, from his perspective, the sun, which had been approaching sundown, began to rise back into the sky._

"Umm... what is Supes doing?" questioned Static.

"He's not running away, is he?" added Beast Boy.

"He's repositioning himself," said Batman. "Back in Metropolis, the city was starting to get noticeably darker and and the shadows were getting longer, indicating that evening was approaching. Now that Goku's finally managed to land a solid hit, he's forced Superman to move to a longitude on the planet where the sun will be higher in the sky. Notice how the sun seemed to climb 'up' as he was flying over the ocean. This way he'll have more time to work around the Power Pole, and more time to reassess his opponent.

Batman's sound tactical reasoning finally explained the otherwise confusing scene, and the League returned its attention to the fight at hand.

 _Using Instant Transmission, Goku managed to teleport himself ahead of where Superman was going. Whipping out his Power Pole, he managed to intercept Superman with a downward strike that sent the Man of Steel hurtling Earthward. Extending the pole, Goku swung his weapon in a wide-arch, but the attack was stopped by Superman, who managed to grab one end of the mystical artifact. With a mighty effort, he picked up both the Pole and the Saiyan wielding it, using the weapon as a lever to slam Goku against the ground, forcing him to let go of the staff. No longer connected to its original owner, the Power Pole contracted back down to its original size. With a titanic hurl, Superman threw the mystical artifact heavenward, where it seemed to disappear, possibly into orbit._

 _Without his weapon, Goku had lost his biggest inherent advantage. There was no choice now but to go all in. It was time to kick this fight into overdrive. With yet another yell, Goku's aura exploded again, his golden hair becoming a golden mane._

"SUPER SAIYAN THREEEEE BITCHES!" The Dragon Ball Trio was ecstatic! When this fight had started they hadn't expected it to go past Super Saiyan Two! This was defintely a fight worth getting locked in a giant space station for!

" _Oh great," said Superman. You could practically hear his eyes rolling. "Not another-"_

 _The comment was struck short by a Saiyan fist landing on the Kryptonian's face. The blow sent him careening backwards, which Goku followed up with a whirlwind of kicks. As Superman was flying backwards, Goku grabbed him by the foot. Spinning in the air, the Saiyan slammed his opponent against the ground before throwing him against the side of a giant stone plateau, which exploded into dust and boulders from the impact._

Oohs and Aahs came from the crowd, enjoying the spectacle of these two finally going at it. That last combination attack from Goku really had them at the edge of their seats. Even Superman found himself enjoying the fight, just a little.

 _But even after all that, Superman just flew out of the crater without even a moment's pause and went right back on the attack. He flew directly at Goku, his fists practically invisible from how many punches he was throwing. Goku was forced to put his hands up and continually block as Superman just kept forcing him back and back._

" _He can even keep up with Super Saiyan Three!" thought Goku in amazement. "What makes him so strong?"_

"He never gives up!" said Hal Jordan.

"He's always there when you need him!" said Booster Gold.

"He cares about everyone and everything on the planet, and he'd do anything to protect it!" said Wonder Woman.

All of the heroes cheered at that!

"He has a continuous supply of solar energy, constantly replenishing his power reserves," said Batman, "combined with nearly 30 years-worth of stored solar energy within his cellular matrix."

Nobody cheered at that.

Batman looked at all the heroes, who in turn looked at him accusingly for breaking the previously inspirational mood. Bruce glared.

"Am I wrong?"

 _Appearing behind Superman, Goku reached out and placed his hand on the back of Kal-El's head. The screen shook with the effort of Goku's telekinetic attack._

" _Attacking my mind, huh?" said Superman, almost questioningly. Unfortunately, Goku's telepathic abilities really only existed for plot convenience, and weren't something he'd ever had to use in combat or ever learned to apply in battle._

 _Using the techniques of Torquasm-Vo, Superman was able to redirect the Saiyan's mental assault back at him, forcing him back, and creating an opportunity for the Kryptonian to elbow him in the gut. With the momentum his, Superman followed up that attack with a series of punches that sent Goku flying up like a rocket. He then flew ahead of the Saiyan, intercepting his trajectory with a double axe handle that sent his opponent crashing back to earth, with a thunderous boom and a massive crater._

 _As Superman flew down to reengage the Saiyan, Goku put both hands to his face and tried to blind his opponent._

" _Solar Flare!" cried Goku, a bright light enveloping the screen._

 _Unfortunately for Goku, Kryptonian eyes, which can stare into the heart of the Sun and feel no pain, are not nearly so susceptible. By the time the light had faded, Superman's hand was grasping Goku's neck. Superman looked at his opponent, his eyes glowing a dangerous red, and, with a voice that, for the first time in this fight, truly sounded menacing, made a single, determined declaration:_

" _My turn."_

 _Heat Vision exploded from the Kryptonian's eyes, consuming the screen like a newborn star._

"HOLY SHIT, CLARK!" shouted many of the heroes, who had never seen the big blue boy scout like that. They also decidedly did not want to.

Superman just sort of shrugged apologetically. But he couldn't help but notice a few people unconsciously shifting in their seats to be further from the Kryptonian.

Batman had noticed it too.

 _Suddenly, another, very different kind of explosion happened on screen. Time and space seemed to distort themselves, as a new power was unleashed on the battlefield. The sky darkened, and Superman was forced to back off._

" _I've got a bad feeling about this..." remarked Kal-El, sounding almost worried._

 _The light of this new transformation faded, and in its place was a monkey-tailed man, with pink fur, a bare chest, and an expression on his face that was no longer the same determined look of Son Goku, but the angry, violent look of someone else entirely._

"Oh..." said Cyborg.

"My..." said Beast Boy.

"God..." said Static.

It was Super Saiyan Four. They honestly never thought that this fight would've gone this far. They all looked at each other nervously. If this form couldn't beat Superman, who, or perhaps _what_ , ever could?

" _It's over, Superman," declared the Saiyan. Nobody is stronger than Super Saiyan Four. My ultimate form!"_

" _Ultimate form, huh?" remarked the Kryptonian, no longer bored or annoyed by these continuous, repetitive, seemingly unending list of new forms. Now, he was firm and resolute._

" _About time you ran out of hairstyles!" quipped Superman. He was, however, not entirely without a sense of humor._

If the situation hadn't been so dire, if this hadn't been what the whole fight had been leading up to, the heroes would've laughed. As it was, a few of them chuckled. But no one dared do anymore.

 _The two fighters rose into the air simultaneously. Then, as if cued, they sprang forward and clashed with each other, both fighters quickly disappearing into a confusing mess of attacks and defenses. Over and over they clashed, neither side able to get an advantage, both combatants throwing punches and kicks that could easily level mountain ranges._

 _Finally, however, Goku managed to get the upper hand with a drop kick that connected to Superman's chest. Superman landed on his feet before unleashing a blizzard of furious cold from his lips. The attack slowed the Saiyan's advance almost to a crawl, but he powered through it, landing a series of kicks that sent the Man of Steel flying upwards. For a moment, the Kryptonian was upside down. Then Goku appeared before him, a fully charged energy blast right at his face._

 _Superman recovered from the explosion, but he clearly recognized that the Saiyan had taken the momentum of this fight._

" _Don't have much left in me," admitted Superman to himself. "Have to get above those clouds." With that thought, Superman began to zoom up, up, and away._

" _Oh no you don't!" said Goku, in a tone that seemed to imply that he thought Superman was running away._

Batman narrowed his eyes at that realization. Superman's biggest advantage in this fight, indeed in most fights, was that his super senses and his super brain could instantly observe and understand his opponent's powers, abilities, equipment, biology, and even their genetics. But Goku had yet to figure out Superman's connection to the Sun. Indeed, in this aggravated state, it was very likely that he wouldn't figure it out until it was too late.

 _At the border of space and atmosphere, Goku stopped and charged up one more attack. This was it, everything he had into one, final attack. And there was only one attack he could possibly end this with._

" _KAAAA... ME... HAAAAA... MEEEE...HHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"_

This time, no one said it with him. It was too tense for anyone to speak.

 _In space, Superman wheeled around and fired back with his heat vision. The two energy attacks collided in space. Goku's narrow and focused lance of Ki slammed into Superman's straight and narrow beam of Solar Energy. It looked as if neither side would win, as if the universe would break in twain before either of these fighters would._

 _But then Goku pulled a fast one._

" _KAI...O...KEN!"_

If you had super-hearing, you could just make out the strained whisper of Beast Boy saying "Kaio-what?"

 _The Saiyan's body glowed with an angry, red energy, and his Kamehameha expanded with the sudden input of power. This bulge of power travelled up the energy beam, overpowering the Kryptonian's heat vision and sending him flying off with a scream... right into the Sun._

Suddenly, every hero knew what was going to happen. Every hero realized the mistake Goku had made. The only one who didn't was Goku himself.

" _Whew... that's... it... good... fight..." said the Saiyan Warrior, clearly exhausted from the ordeal. Suddenly, Goku sensed something. "Wait, he's... there's no way! He's still alive! It's... It's the Sun... He's using the Sun. But I'm... I'm drained..." Goku has realized the same thing that the Justice League watching him had._

"He's got the same problem Damien has," thought Batman. "He's so concerned with learning to fight, he hasn't bothered to learn anything that doesn't seem immediately relevant to combat. There's a reason Superman's arch-nemesis is a scientist, not a warrior. The fact is, you never know what kind of knowledge will be relevant to fighting. In this insane world of gods and monsters, learning about the astrophysical properties of various types of stars is every bit as important for your survival as learning how to throw a good right hook. You need to expand your horizons, even into territory which may seem useless or even boring at first. Maybe I should show this to Damien..."

" _Sun," pleaded Goku, "lend me your energy!"_

 _In the sun, Superman absorbs solar energy at an exponentially higher rate. His body and costume begin to glow with fiery energy, as if his flesh is fusing with the stellar plasma. Meanwhile, back on Earth, Goku is harnessing all the Ki he can gather into a massive Spirit Bomb, which towers above him like his own, miniature sun._

 _Finally Superman emerges from his dip into the Sun, appearing as if a bipedal star. Goku reassumes his Super Saiyan form, and the energy of the Spirit Bomb fuses with him, the Spirit Bomb's white energy transforming to match the golden aura of Goku. Fully restored, he fires one last energy beam up towards Superman. Superman hangs in space, before blinking out of existence. The solar-charged Kryptonian flies through the Saiyan's attack as if it isn't even there. The impact forces Goku and Superman through the Earth's crust and deep into the planet's core. Mustering the last of his Ki, Goku transforms once more into his Super Saiyan Four form, and the two fighters prepare to unleash their final attacks._

The real Superman's eyes widen as he sees what's about to happen.

 _The Saiyan's Ki gathered into the form of a Golden Dragon, a roaring beast of ancient origin and matchless fury. The very molecules of the Kryptonian's fist begin to vibrate at speeds approaching luminal. As Einstein had predicted, the faster they vibrated, the more mass that fist had, until that mass began to approach, and then exceed, the combined mass of moons, planets, and even whole stars. The two collided, the whole world began to shake, and then there was no more. The entire Earth was ripped apart, her cities, her nations, and yes, all of her seven billion souls, all reduced to ash and dust._

 _A brilliant light consumed the two fighters. The Kryptonian remained firm and resolute. But the Saiyan screamed his defeat._

 _In the aftermath, Superman was drifting through space. He slowly opened his eyes, and the Death Battle was over._

.

.

.

" _K.O!"_

At the sound of those two letters, the whole room exploded into a frenzy. Even those few who had been betting on Goku to win, namely the Dragon Ball Trio, stood up and cheered for the sheer spectacle they had just witnessed.

"Dude, that amazing!" said Blue Beetle to Firestorm.

"GG," said Cyborg to Nightwing, congratulating his friend for guessing right.

Beast Boy and Static clapped and smiled. They were a little sad to see their pick lose, but they were far happier to see everyone celebrating.

Arsenal was currently gathering bills from a number of heroes, telling them all to "pay up," "told you so," and "hate the player, not the game." He walked back to his seat with few hundred dollars in his pocket. Sweet.

Flash was excitedly discussing the fight with Wonder Woman and Martian Manhunter. Of course, he quickly lost track of what he was saying, his words-per-second increasing to ludicrous speed as his excitement got to him. In the end, Martian Manhunter had to use his telepathy to get the overall gist of what the Flash was talking about, and even he only managed to get a vague picture involving the gratuitous use of phrases such as "badass," "awesome," and "holyshitthatwasbadassandawesome." Diana, meanwhile, just smiled and nodded.

Hawkgirl, Black Canary, and Guy Gardner were all super-pumped for a fight after what they just saw, and it was only due to the quick intervention of Hal Jordan, John Stewart, and Aquaman that another fight didn't break out. Ollie, of course, did nothing. He had learned a long time ago that there was very little he could do once his wife got fired up. It was what kept their marriage... interesting.

Noticeably absent from the celebration, however, were two people: Batman and, the recent Death Battle winner himself, Superman.

.

.

.

Adjacent to the conference room was a series of smaller rooms that had been built for private meditation and relaxation. These bubbles of privacy were only big enough for maybe two or three people, and faced an open, head-to-toe window which offered an unobstructed view outside, right above Earth. It was in this oasis of solitude that Batman had found Superman, deep in thought.

"It's only a video," said Bruce "I'm pretty sure the two guys who made it were still in their twenties."

Superman didn't look up from the Earth. "It's a reminder of how fragile it all is.

Right now, I can see a young man in Germany proposing to his fiancé. They're overlooking the banks of the Rhine. His boyfriend is saying yes right now. In Egypt, a young woman is meeting with her secret boyfriend who her parents don't approve of because he's Jewish, not Muslim. In Mumbai, an old man is breathing his last. In Dublin, a newborn is breathing his first."

In the midst of his contemplation, the Man of Tomorrow placed his hand on the thick, bulletproof glass, before sighing deeply.

"All it would take is the lightest push and this glass would break," said Clark. "One prolonged stare, and the whole world crumbles. It's... humbling."

Bruce stared at him in disbelief. "Humbling?"

"Yeah," replied Clark, almost sounding dejected. That dejection quickly gave way to confusion when Bruce actually _chuckled_. Not loudly, not even for a whole second, but he definitely chuckled.

"You're the only person in the whole goddamned universe who could have the power to raze a planet and still be humbled," said Bruce, a slight lightness to his voice that only someone with super-hearing could pick up. "Clark, take away all your powers and give them to anyone else on the planet, and you'd still be the only Superman in existence."

With only the barest trace of a smile, Bruce turned away, amused by this visitor from another world. Clark took one more look at that big, beautiful blue orb, and laughed. Down on Earth, the German had said yes to his boyfriend. He turned away and rejoined the party. They had their lives to live, he had his.

.

.

.

Once everyone had gotten through congratulating Clark and clapping him on the back like he'd just won the Super Bowl, the heroes turned their attention back to the monitor. They were all glad that Superman had won, now it was time to learn _why_ he had won.

 _Boomstick: It's over! It's finally over! We never have to hear about it again!_

 _Superman flies off while Goku's boot floats quietly through space._

Many of the heroes got a kick (no pun intended) out of seeing that all that remained of Goku was his shoe.

 _Wiz: Indeed. Superman may not be as tenacious as Goku, but sometimes tenacity only prolongs the inevitable._

 _Boomstick: Superman's power is insane, he can even patch up holes in reality just with his own static electricty._

"You know Supes, you do a lot more rescue and repair work than you do fighting," remarked Flash, before eating another banana. Astonishingly, Barry hadn't eaten the whole snack table, mostly because he had been so absorbed in the fight that he forgot to eat everything that wasn't nailed down.

"Well, thankfully there's a lot more repair and rescue work that needs to be done than bad guys to fight," replied Clark, noticeably more cheerful now.

"Yeah well, that's probably because most bad guys don't wanna mess with you," said Hal, playfully punching Superman on the arm.

"We should consider distributing this Death Battle online," said Wonder Woman, "it might dissuade more people from villainy and lower crime rates further."

"That would be piracy. And piracy is illegal," said Superman, his usual, goody-two-shoes self now.

"It's not even from this world!" countered the Amazon.

"Well neither am I, but I'm still an American citizen," countered the Kryptonian right back.

"Actually, you denounced your American citizenship, remember?" said Batman, countering the Kryptonian's counter to the Amazon's counter.

"I... well... shut up," said Clark, ineffectually countering the Dark Knight's counter to his original counter to Diana's counter, which was, in turn, a counter to Diana's suggestion on how to use Death Battle to counter crime. Counter.

 _Wiz: Goku did not understand Superman's connection to the Sun. And would not think to teleport him to red star. Even if he did figure it out he would run the risk of teleporting him to a blue star, which actually increases Superman's power._

"Moral of the story kids: stay in school!" said Black Lightening. "Learn astrophysics. Don't shoot your Kryptonian adversaries into the sun, thereby increasing their power."

"Amen to that!" said Mr. Terrific.

"Absolutely!" agreed Doctor Light with her fellow scientists.

"Hurgh," grunted Batman. It was his way of supporting childhood education.

 _Boomstick: And if Goku destroyed the sun, the Supernova would blast all the way past Mars... and incinerate him._

"Assuming of course that Goku could destroy the Sun," pointed out Firestorm. "Even for someone who could destroy planets that would not be easy. The Sun is big enough to fit 1.3 million Earths inside it, after all."

 _Wiz: So it ultimately comes down to who is stronger, faster, and tougher._

 _First up is strength!_

 _On screen is Superman during his "dragging the Earth around," feat._

 _Wiz: The force needed to move an object out of the Sun's orbit by one percent is about one thousand times less than the object's mass. The Earth weighs in just under 6.6 sextillion tons. This means Superman is strong enough to lift 6.6 quintillion tons._

Some of the more mathematically inclined heroes quickly check the math and find that it was correct. It was, after all, simple division. However, the others, particularly people like Guy who had left their math classes mentally traumatized, mostly appeared to have eyes which had glazed over.

 _Boomstick: But, since his solar power can rise infinitely, this is nowhere near his maximum strength._

"You're lifting 200 quintillion tons. That's three times your record," says Dr. Leo Quintum from the excellent film and limited-series comic "All-Star Superman" (seriously, if you haven't read/watched it go do that *wink, wink* *nudge, nudge*).

"With strength like that, how do you ever train or exercise?" questioned Black Canary directly towards Superman.

"Well, I have this machine that I helped make," explained Clark, "it's kind of like a bench press, only I usually set it to the weight of the planet Earth..."

At this, everyone turned their head.

"... how many reps?" asked Ollie, still quite disbelieving.

Clark shrugged. "I dunno. Lost count after the first few days. I finally got a good workout though. It really made me sweat!"

With very few exceptions, everyone's eyes threatened to pop out of their skulls.

One of those exceptions was Diana of Themyscira. "Can I have a turn?"

"Sure!" said Clark, as if he were agreeing to lend a DVD or something.

 _Next is speed!_

 _Wiz: While being timed by Max Lord, Superman flew to the Sun and back in less than two minutes. That's 9.4 billion kilometers per hour._

 _Boomstick: Not to mention he was fighting Wonder-Stripper the whole time!_

The room temperature dipped several degrees at the name calling. Diana had heard worse, of course, Clark was well aware of the fact since his super-senses allowed him to pinpoint every single lewd remark and obscene gesture people directed towards the Princess of the Amazons. But _no one_ said that to her face.

Diana pursed her lips. "Which parallel reality was this video from, again? We have the vibrational frequency to get to their universe, right?" questioned Wonder Woman.

"Diana..." warned Batman. It did him no good. One second later and the Lasso of Truth was wrapped around Cyborg's head. Two seconds later and she had the frequency.

"Thanks Victor," she said, happily returning to her seat.

 _Wiz: True, so it's likely he can go faster. According to Batman he can fly at least 17 billion kilometers per hour._

 _Boomstick: And_ _nobody_ _argues with Batman!_

Several heroes laughed at just how relatable that statement was. Many had terrifying flashbacks to the first time they tried to argue with the Caped Crusader. Guy Gardner, in particular, started rubbing his suddenly sore jaw.

"Well, unless your name is Damien Wayne," thought Bruce, "then you practically turn it into your favorite past-time."

 _Lastly, Durability!_

 _Boomstick: The Man of Steel can survive multiple supernovas, each with about 10 octillion megatons of force!_

"Wait," wondered the Atom out loud. "Does that feat really work considering the increased levels of solar radiation output during a supernova?"

"It was probably the most easily measurable feat of durability they could come up with," reasoned Mr. Terrific, "besides, Supes has survived much worse over the years."

"Like what," asked the Atom.

"Black holes, Darkseid, fights with Batman..." replied Clark, only partially joking.

 _Wiz: So, Superman's feats and skills are definitively measured. However, Goku's are not, and are difficult to judge. Not only does Dragon Ball heavily abuse cinematic time, but Goku's final adventures in Dragon Ball GT are incredibly inconsistent due to his untimely transformation into a child._

" _Wow, the room got a lot bigger all of a somehow," remarks child Goku on screen._

 _Wiz: As Ki is dependent on the physical body, his child form likely could not handle his own Ki, sending his power into flux._

" _It can't take it, it's too weak. My older body was more developed!" remarks Goku, unable to sustain his Super Siayan Three form._

 _Boomstick: And obviously, we're not using future Goku, because that would require a_ _ridiculous_ _amount of assumptions. Not to mention, we'd have to use future Superman, who's pretty much God!_

After casually mentioning that their close friend and colleague basically becomes God, on screen is an image of Golden Future Superman.

It really couldn't be healthy, how much eye-widening was happening this video.

"Umm... spoiler alert? I guess?" said Flash, not quite sure how to take this.

"Huh. Well it confirms my hypothesis that Superman's powers would only increase with age as his body stores more and more solar energy. There's no telling what kind of abilities or powers could manifest given time," remarked Batman.

The idea of being a deity wasn't something Clark relished. He shook his head and tried to move on. He'd come to that particularly troublesome bridge when he got to it.

 _Boomstick: So, like Superman, we need to judge Goku in his prime._

 _Wiz: After experimenting with dozens of different theories, we discovered an ironclad method to finding Goku's limits, which we call the Gravity Formula, based around his training in increased gravity. Due to his style of training and Saiyan heritage, Goku increases his abilities proportionate to the amount of force he trains under._

"Saiyans are born with the unique ability to fight anywhere," explains King Kai.

"Yeah, unless that place has no oxygen," remarked Flash.

"Or no food," said Hal Jordan.

"Or a Superman in the immediate vicinity," commented Aquaman with a snorting laugh. Clark rolled his eyes.

 _Wiz: While in base form, Goku could lift just under 40 tons. This is equivalent to 586 normal Earth gravity, which we will use in the gravity formula, alongside the Super Saiyan power increases, to calculate Goku's maximum potential._

 _First, it's strength!_

 _Boomstick: Multiplying the 40 tons by the Super Saiyan multipliers means he can lift up to 160,000 tons in Super Saiyan Four. Strong enough to pick up a continent... or my ex-wife. Ha ha!_

A handful of heroes laughed at the ex-wife gag.

 _Next it's speed!_

 _Boomstick: Right after Goku trained on King Kai's planet, which has gravity ten times stronger than Earth's, he flew across Snake Way Road as fast as possible to save his friends. It took him 28 hours. Impressive since that one million kilometers long!_

 _Wiz: Except it's filled with curves and Goku flew straight over it, so how far did he actually travel? By comparing Goku's height to a single spike, we can measure each curve. We can then remove those curves from the overall length. So it turns out Goku actually flew 307,000 kilometers, nearly 11,000 kilometers per hour._

 _Boomstick: To see how fast his base form is by the end of the series, we run the Snake Way number through the Gravity Formula to find that his top speed clocks in at over two-and-a-half billion kilometers per hour, over two times the speed of light!_

A few of the superheroes' heads turned to Red Tornado, resident android, to see if he could check the math. He nodded his assent.

"I'm not sure about the Snake Way calculation," said Cyborg, "it assumes that the curves are uniform throughout the entire Snake Way."

"It's the closest thing they have," pointed out Doctor Light, "It's undeniable that the Snake Way road is curved. It's better to at least try to account for that fact rather than simply ignore it altogether."

 _Next up is durability._

 _Wiz: We can determine Goku's durability through this bomb, which the brilliant Dr. Gero designed to kill Goku at age 25, when his maximum potential was Kaio-Ken times four._

 _On screen, the characters Bulma and Android 16 confirm that the bomb was indeed supposed to kill Goku._

 _Boomstick: Scans of the bomb display a TNT measurement of 657. Bulma says the bomb could destroy the Earth, so this is likely measured in quadrillion megatons, assuming it takes 53 quadrillion megatons of force to destroy the Earth._

"Umm, why do we know how much energy it takes to destroy the Earth?" asked Booster Gold.

"Probably because Lex tries to do it at least twice a week," replied Zatanna.

The professor inside Firestorm just had to respond. "Well, we know that the Earth is held together by the gravitational force of its own mass. This binding force comes out to 2 x 10^32 Joules. So we just calculate the amount of explosive force it would take to counteract that binding force."

"Oh," replied Booster Gold. He quickly whispered to his robot companion, Skeetz, "Hey, could you summarize that to me in twenty words or less?"

"Sure boss," answered the ever faithful Skeetz, "big bombs make Earth go boom."

 _Wiz: So, in his final form, Goku can survive up to 35 sextillion megatons._

 _Last, but not least, is Ki Power._

"Hey Nightwing," asked Cyborg, "I thought you can't measure Ki?"

"You can't, but I'm guessing they're going to try and figure out how much Ki energy Goku can apply at once," figured Nightwing. "It's kind of like how you can't measure something like courage, but you can measure precisely how many times someone has leapt into the line of fire. You can't measure courage, but you can measure the effects of courage instead."

 _Boomstick: Goku doesn't rely solely on his physical abilities. He amplifies his strength and durability with Ki._

 _Wiz: But even though his Ki reserve cannot be measured, we can determine his maximum output. See, his Ki attacks do not force him backward unless he allows them to._

 _Boomstick: Even when firing upward at full power, the ground beneath him remains untouched._

 _Wiz: Therefore, according to physics, his maximum output is, at most, equal to the amount of force he can withstand._

 _Boomstick: Luckily, we just calculated that with the Gero bomb!_

A couple of the scientists in the audience had to smile at that. Newton saves the day, yet again!

 _Wiz: Alright, now that we've determined Goku's maximum potential, let's compare it to Superman's._

 _Boomstick: Holy shit! Not even close._

 _On screen, the numbers simply don't lie. Superman definitively beat Goku in every single category._

Cyborg shrugged, still a little bummed that Goku lost. "Oh well," he thought, "You can't fight physics."

 _Wiz: Now, we can keep throwing feats and equations around, but in the end numbers cannot measure what Goku and Superman are capable of. They are both ultimate heroes, solutions to daunting problems and achievers of the impossible. The difference is, at the core of their character... Goku has never been invincible. He has very clear limits and must overcome those limits to solve the problems at hand. That's the whole point._

Many of the more thoughtful heroes, including Superman himself nodded along to this. The story of the underdog who must overcome powerful enemies is a story that resonates throughout all of time, and apparently throughout the entire multiverse.

 _Wiz: On the other hand, Superman's story is not about the fight to become the best, but of an immigrant facing the challenge of home versus heritage. After accepting his alien side, Superman has reached his full potential, which, under the endless power of the sun, is essentially limitless. In short, Superman is as strong as he needs to be._

Those same heroes nodded along to this as well. The story of the outsider looking in, desperately wanting to be like everyone else, but needing to acknowledge what is strange or different about themselves, is also a compelling story that pulls on souls across the cosmos. Clark smiled, hoping that maybe his story could help people even in a different universe altogether.

 _Wiz: So, what happens when you pit a man with the power to break any limits, against another who has no limits in the first place?_

"You get a kickass Death Battle!" yelled out Guy, getting a laugh out of everyone.

 _Wiz: Well, only one has limits to give at all._

 _Boomstick: Goku just Kaio-can't keep up with the Man of Steel._

The audience groans at the pun. Pretty much all of the Titans laugh. And Flash. Hopefully there won't be any more episodes that conclude with puns.

 _Wiz: The winner is Superman._

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"Woohoo, let's do it again!"

No one could quite determine who said that, but everyone could certainly agree with it.

"Yo Cyborg, how many more Death Battles can we watch?" asked Beast Boy.

"Well," replied the tin man, "I've got all of them downloaded, and there's at least 80 more of these things on file."

"Well, in the words of DJ Khaled," interrupted Static, eager to keep this party going, "another one!"

"We also have a bunch of other random videos we can watch," said Dick Grayson, who had also been looking over the viewing selection. "We've got memes, trending videos, documentaries, TV shows..."

"Hey Superman!" said Cyborg, waving the Man of Steel over. "Since you won the Death Battle, how about you pick the next video we watch!"

Clark smiled and shrugged, looking over the massive list of videos and titles.

"All right, how about..."

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 ***AUTHOR'S NOTE***

Holy shit, that was _way_ more work than I thought it'd be. Probably because I decided to re-watch and transcribe the Death Battle myself, rather than just copy and paste a pre-existing transcription and cram the occasional reaction in there. I think it makes the whole thing more organic and helps it to flow better. But it doesn't help how freakin' long Goku VS Superman is! I know it's out of order, but I figured I'd just take care of the big one first.

Anyways, let me know which Death Battle/Video/Whatever You Want should be next, or any DC Heroes, Villains, or Supporting Characters who should also be involved. Who knows, maybe y'all know a few I haven't even heard of yet.


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